Outing sa Outrigger - sanctifying!

Isn't the place gorgeous? It is definitely a good sight! This is where we had our company team outing last April 21, 2007.

But I wasn't able to really appreciate its beauty because I was so caught up with the preparation and other details for the outing.

It was almost 2 month preparation. At first, I wanted to take part on this only for extra curricular activities at work. I believe this will somehow add value to my performance form.



But it is more that performance evaluation. I learned so many things.

Even if it is a secular work, I shouldn't lose sight of God! I should depend on God for every little issue ... for every little detail. I should do it with the strength that God is providing me so that in everything God is glorified.

I felt like something was missing... I felt like I could have done more for the glory of God. But no... and my cell servant was right in saying that I felt this way because I didn't enjoy God as I do and finish this task.

But God is so good to me. Even if I wasn't faithful. He is always faithful... He always is.

I know that there were details in the outing that was provided by God ... even if I wasn't asking for it.

So... this was sanctifying. That is glorifying to God.

I believe as my cell servant exhorted me, nothing is wasted with God. Romans 8:28.




Praise God also for His mercy in all the activities we had. He has preserved me! HE kept me and all of us safe.


Kayak


Pedal Boat


For free!!!!


The boat is sinking!!!!


I've tried both - wonderful experience. I just don't have picture of myself though.


Only by God's grace that I could truly enjoy this day!!! Praise God for this has been more than an outing.

Prayer Retreat 2007

It is good that our church has this every start of the year (sorry for posting this one late). This is not some superstitious beliefs. It is a good practice - to seek God at the start of the year - His will, direction and confirmation about certain things. It's like consecration of the first days of your new year to the Lord. He is worthy!

We bring books and of course our Bibles. I brought my John MacArthur Study Bible and 2 books, Hidden Smile of God and Life is a vapor, both by John Piper. We usually have 4 plenaries/sessions.

During prayer retreat, except for the scheduled 4 plenaries, we are given much free time and should use it to read books, seek God's word and pray... and pray ... and pray.

I came to prayer retreat with the prayer that God would renew my heart for Him. I pray to have my commitment and passion to know Him to get deeper. For me, I had this prayer because I could see that I’ve been growing slowly. And so, this was my prayer.

Throughout the duration of the retreat, God was specifying action points in different areas of my life.

Let me share 3 things:

1. I shouldn’t let anything or anyone even my family or friends hinder me from fully obeying the Lord. I think this has its application already early this year. First is a friend and second is a brother. To both situation, I felt much rejection and devalued. The enemy really knows how to attack me. Security in relationship is one of my weak spots! But God has taught me to let go, die to myself (my own feelings of rejection remembering that He, too, was rejected) and trusting Him that it will be for my sanctification and greater glory in my life. With this, I shouldn’t let them or anything hinder me from stepping out of my comfort zone to full obedience; to renounce fear of the unknown.

2. I should make prayer a lifestyle.

3. I should be motivated to serve the Lord – the holy ambition to honor the Lord; to be motivated by fear and love of the Lord. This start with a simple carrying out of spiritual disciplines like Quiet Time. God got my attention on my lack of pursuit of QT. I do have QT but if I miss it in the morning, it’s like it is not an issue (I miss it, then I miss it, I’ll have it tomorrow). There will be times when we really would miss our QT but the issue is the heart. What I am trying to say is that if I miss my QT, I should not feel comfortable or ok with it.



Through book of Leviticus, I was rebuked! How can I live during the Old Testament times when preparing the offerings (burnt, grain, peace, sin, trespass) require much time and I don’t have time for QT? So, I must strive to have my QT each day. If I don’t have it, it MUST BE A BIG DEAL.

FINE CHINA IS FOR SINGLE WOMEN, TOO

By Lydia Brownback


I remember when I was still in college, my CCC discipler told me that when I get her age, which was late 20s to early 30s, longing for marriage would really be intense. Really? I couldn't understand it before... until now.

The world that I am living in right now views singleness for women as a lonely life and generally, a very undesirable way to go on with life. Movies, television programs, advertisements and billboards deceive me into thinking that marriage is what will complete me and that I should do every thing I can to prevent the misery of being single forever.

I thank God for allowing me to read this book. It has caused me to value my singleness as the gift that it really is. “Our contentment is of far greater importance to God than our marital status.” (page 5)

The greatest truth behind the giftedness of singleness is the sovereignty of God. There is nothing I can do to change my present status. None of my physical feature or circumstance can keep me single or get me married. “When it's God's timing for marriage, nothing or no one will stand in the way.” (page 12)

What I need is to learn now is contentment ... and true contentment and joy are found exactly where God has placed us at any given time. God will sovereignly direct my steps and place me wherever he wants, and my business is to faithfully obey God... to joyfully obey God and not let depression snatch this joy just because I am single.

Most single women view marriage as the real life. Settling to marriage is equated to getting serious. But marriage life is not a fairy tale. “The process of moving from singleness to marriage is trading in one set of problems for another.” (p. 39) In fact, just looking my life now, I don't think I'm ready for marriage and I don't think there will be a man who will be ready for a wife like me. It's just that singles have the tendency to have an idealized view of marriage. I have to change that.

Honestly, I am also made to realize that contentment is what I need to cultivate because I may not marry... It may not be God's portion for me. Joshua 15-19 teaches us that His priority was not equal portions of land for each tribe...

While reading this book and another single book entitled “Single Issue” , I was made to realize that I may be submitting to God's sovereignty but not joyfully submitting to it. I am sinning because of this, and thus, struggling with depression.

To fight for contentment is also fighting for joy! Discontentment destroys our delight in life and makes us do wrong decisions where time and money are wasted. We will be tempted to jump at anything that might offer a way of escape - idolatry. Remember that there is no safer place than to be in the center of God's will. Apart from God's will, we will live barren lives.

Lydia perfectly quoted Elyse and I also quote, “The truth about the choices we make is plain. We don't consistently choose the Lord because we don't really desire him... and we don't desire him because we're not convinced that that choosing him will result in our happiness.” (page 23) Now, I choose God... I choose what God wants for me even if it means I need to struggle every moment to bring myself in this position of joyfully submitting to God. As single, I am tempted to pray the prayer of most single women - to remove my desire but God is not crushing the desire. He wants us to cling to Him in the midst of it. My cell servant exhorts us to pray and ask God if we are for single or marriage but as for me, it is always uncertain... certainty prevents me from clinging to Him.

My present state is God's will for me to make me more and more beautiful. This is my sanctification. True beauty is aligned with holiness. “... the more holy we become, the more we will desire what God desires fro us.” (page 63). One of the main character I need to deal with is my selfishness. According to the author, this is inherent to every single person. This is very much address in marriage but as a single, this is address as we involve ourselves in the lives of those whom God has placed around us.

I must be thankful by being willing to accept the life he has called me to live right now. This is an act of humility and is glorifying God.

Also, as a single, I must make the most of this life that God has given me. I pray that God would allow me to serve Him in ways that won't be possible if I were married. “Make use of your unique gifts and talents where they best fit within the body of believers in which God has placed you, even it it appears that doing so will limit your options to meet a man.” (page 81)

“Singleness is not an accident... not a misfortune... It is a divine calling.” (page 90) This is a blessed opportunity to experience God as my Father, my Friend and my Husband. I pray to be a single to His glory, cultivating an undivided devotion to Him and living each day joyfully under His grace knowing that He is sovereign over all things.

With Phil and Cindy in Manila

If you won't visit the tourist spots and resorts in the Philippines...I don't think Manila is a place to consider for personal vacation. Manila is a very crowded busy city...

But... it is so sweet of them to visit us all the way from US... and I really appreciate them for doing that.

This is our project team with Phil and Cindy during our welcome lunch for them.

I also had dinner with them with my friends and brother -






Cindy commented that I had good friends - that I chose them very well. They are God's gifts to me.

Also, she said that Meann sounded like me when she made that joke about the jeepney.

This is Cindy's shot of me...



"To Phil and Cindy - thank you so much!!! I will miss you and I will pray for you."

The Hidden Smile of God by John Piper

The book is about the lives of 3 great men of God: John Bunyan, William Cowper and David Brainerd. The major theme in their lives is suffering and their faith in Christ and their passion to live for Christ in the midst of these sufferings. I will be sharing the things I learned from their lives but I will not include their biography here. I suggest that one reads the book or biography of each of these men.


To live upon God that is invisible


To a Christian, suffering is normal and useful element in the life and ministry. To associate this with what I learned from “Idols of the Heart” by Elyse Fitzpatrick, suffering keeps us from building our kingdom on earth. In my case, a kingdom is a life of comfort, free from pain and heartaches, free from urgency and from lack of anything. Suffering humbles us and keeps us from being conceited. Like Jesus, my Master, I will suffer in this life. I praise God for the heartaches I have because it brings me to my knees! This is really the purpose of suffering – that we may be drawn to God and to continue to glorify God by depending and trusting in Him. We may lose everything but not God and we will hold on to Him. “For nothing glorifies God more than maintaining stability and joy when we lose everything but God.” (page 46).

John Bunyan was imprisoned… and I am far from that (well, I don't know in the future) He was not the only one that suffered but even his wife and children and yet, he continued in preaching the word of God. Truly, his love for the Lord who is invisible is much greater than any of his close human relations. Human relations is always a struggle. I have the tendency to idolize an existing relationship - be it a relative or friend. But here, I learned that none should be greater than our love and passion for the Lord.

He died without the comfort of his family and home. But he died holding on to his faith to God who is invisible.


To be faithful despite consistent despair/depression


To a Christian, his life need not be full of events but faithfulness to God in our routines. No matter what we are going through or how we feel, we are called to faithful obedience to God. William Cowper’s life is not very much eventful but with consistent struggle regarding his illness. No matter how many times he may have fallen, he comes back with his soul singing new songs to the Lord. Yes, he didn’t demand for reasons of his situation. “There is mystery in my destruction, and in time, it shall be explained.” (page 99) God does not owe us any reason/account of what happens.


To march towards heaven’s gate


“Oh that I might not loiter on my heavenly journey.” – David Brainerd


“God meant to drive him into the wilderness that he might suffer for his sake and have an incalculable influence on the history of missions.” (forgot to note the page)


David’s life – teaches me that God “can use and does use weak, sick, discouraged, beatdown, lonely, struggling saints” who depend on God and trust him that only through Him, can people like David do amazing things for His glory. Oh the great fruit for afflictions!!!


His life was short! But it isn’t in the length of years lived but how this life was lived for the Lord! “Life is to precious to squander on trivial things.” (forgot to note the page)


These godly men pressed on despite great trials and afflictions. Praise be to God for the footprints they left for me to follow.


Jesus Christ suffered so great … it is but right that I, too, suffer. John 15:20, “No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also…”


God could withhold rest from our soul, so that through restlessness, I may be tossed to His breast. There must be contentment and sweet resignation to God.


I may not be ready to suffer like them but God will provide me grace in time so that I would exactly do what God wants me to do. Until then, may I be found faithful to God for the little sufferings I go through… and to see these things as God-given opportunities to resemble the attitude of these great men of faith to God’s glory alone! What a great assurance that despite all the afflictions, God will bring me home safely. Amen.

Birthday-Dispida for Jaja

Jaja's celebration of her 18th birthday but take note...she is just 17th. This is because she is moving to Georgia, US for good.

"We will miss you Jaja! May you continue to be faithful to the Lord."

Wounds of the Heart

Have you ever committed a sin and still reaping the consequences of it?

Don't get me wrong! God forgives us because He is faithful and just to cleanse us as we confess our sins and repent from it. But consequences of it could be very damaging in one's spiritual walk.

Yes... I have lots of those but there's one that is very real to me now. I regret the sin and the memories that comes along with it. If I could do something to change it.. If I could rewind it, I would have been guarded and applied the lessons I learned from my love guru - oh the matters of the heart!

I remember my discipler back in College when she said that the reason I wasn't into a relationship yet that time was because I am the type of person that easily falls - and God was preserving me.

God is good because He has not let me fall in this area many times and the situation I had wasn't very deep - God has still preserved me despite my unfaithfulness back in 2001.

I guess this will be forever wound of my heart. Even if the wound is there, I pray that may it be used to break my heart before the Lord and cause me to be humbled... Trusting that all is well with my soul and God is good (Romans 8:28).

I praise God because He knows what I am going through right now and He is embracing me, teaching me to fix my eyes on Him, the author and finisher of my faith...yes, even this wounds are His good, pleasing and perfect will to sanctify me which is of eternal value.

Greetings!!!

Weddings of the Year

I am privileged to have been invited to witness the wedding of my 2 sisters in the Lord.


Last October was my cell servant's wedding. I am happy to be back in time for it!

I remember that in the cell, I've always heard Ate Yvette say that her longing is a single life. It was radical for me because I've always known women whose longing is for marriage and here is a woman who wants to be single forever. But she confessed that her calling is to marriage. She has to obey the Lord. God has changed her heart. As she confessed now, she is so happy to be married!

I guess that must always be the attitude - where God leads us, we must obey! He knows what's best and He is worthy of our trust!

At one point in my life, I began praying to have the same heart as that of my cell servant - To desire a single life is to desire a focused Christian life. I will not have to concern myself with taking care of my family and home. I can also manage my time and resources without asking permission from my husband or without considering the schedule at home with the kids. I can be in a ministry wherever and whenever but to a married woman, she has homemaking and submission to her husband as her major ministry which she must do joyfully as serving to the Lord.

One of my favorite song says,

Not what I wish to be
Nor where I wish to go
For who am I that I should choose my way...
The Lord shall choose for me.

And then last November - another sister in the cell got married.

With all these weddings, what will it make me feel or consider? That I should also get married? Haha - No .. no ... no.

I honestly don't know what the Lord's will is. My cell servant told us that we should pray about it - to inquire of the Lord about it. I did but God doesn't answer. Maybe, it is not yet time for me to know. My concern though should be to cultivate my heart before the Lord - to cultivate the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (I Peter 3:4). With this goal, I have a lot of working to do, all by the grace of God.

Home Sweet Home

It is nice to be back home. After almost 3 months, I can say that I am now home and indeed, “there is no place like home.”

Three months? Yep! Because I had adjustments to make as I live my life back here. Since I have no car, I need to make my way to the office by commuting – taxi, crowded MRT, traffic, pollution and busy streets. These are just the physical aspect of the adjustments I have to make. How about emotional? And this concerns personal struggles, issues and concerns in family, work relationships, church and friends. It is difficult and ... hurting (can't get into details)... but sanctifying and heart-changer as I learn to trust and depend on God. God meant all things for good!

Let me share with you some of the first things I did -

Fellowship with YAYA - a group of Christian women in our church who are or were once ATEs (older sisters) in the youth fellowship. This is just how we call ourselves - a name.



This is how Niss showed me that she missed me - By squeezing me so hard!!!


Second, I went back to our Youth fellowship. I thought God maybe bringing me into a new ministry but God showed me that I am staying in the youth fellowship and with the young people – which makes me feel younger – Haha!






Then, I went back to my usual routine of going to church every Tuesday for cell, Friday (1st and 3rd of the month) for youth workers' meeting, Saturday for the youth fellow and Sunday for the worship service. I had the chance to share with them some of the stories, gimmicks and learnings I had in OH.



My life here is jam-packed with church activities and get-together with family and friends – pretty busy life ha? Hehe! But I think – these are the things that make home sweet home. It is nice to be back home!

Goodbye Ohio

Being in a far away place for 6 months is a great blessing from the Lord. It was a time for me to know how deceitful my heart is and how incapable I am of keeping myself in the narrow path – that it was God who has preserved and protected me all throughout this time.

Church was a major factor for me to accept the offer of going to Ohio. Although my first church was not a good church, God was so faithful to give me discernment and brought me to His church there. Truly, if it is His will, He will be faithful to provide. God has not left me as an orphan there... It's just that God has a perfect timing for everything.


My first month of not being at Grace Church was a time for me to realize how much I should value biblical preaching and how much I need fellowship of the brethren. The biblical preaching of the word of God brought me the sense of being at home. Also, there is true spiritual unity for the people of God despite the cultural and racial difference. I can't wait to be in heaven!




I praise God for Grace Church! Although it was a long drive for me every Sunday, I thank God for bringing me there. I believe this is one confirmation from God that I belong to Him. I praise God for the discernment and hunger for His Word and His family.




Since church is a long drive for me, church wasn't always within reach when I was having struggles and knowing that I was new to them, it would not be so easy to share personal issues. But I thank God because of His fulfillment of Hebrews 13:5. I praise God for His very presence in my life. I had no family, relatives or Christian friends to run to when I was feeling so sad and alone. Calling or texting wasn't so easy financially and logistically because of the time difference. I learned to run to God. I've never had a deeper experience of how it is to be truly helpless before God than when I was in Ohio – to just fall prostrate before God and depend on Him and wait upon Him.

Also, I thank God for opportunities to share my faith to my co-workers and friends at the hotel. May the Lord open their hearts to the truth shared to them that they too, may experience the joy of being in and for the Lord.

Now, I've been home for 2 weeks... Although my stay in Ohio is but 2% of my whole life, it's very significant and so memorable. I thank God for every person I met especially the people in church whom I will see again when the Day of the Lord comes. God has used my stay in Ohio to sanctify me and to encourage me.

I thank God for how this trip caused me to learn and realize so many things. God is so good and so faithful. All glory to God alone!

I am Ok! ?

"How are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm Ok?" Am I?

Most of the time, I answer that way just because it is the easiest way to respond ... so that there'd be no more follow up questions; Or, maybe, it is the default answer.
To answer the other way would cause the person asking me to feel bad for me or to even try his/her best to help me because I'm not ok. Well, it is the norm.

When we are not ok, we usually do our best to try to eradicate the feeling of not being ok. We don't want the state of discomfort or inconvenience. It makes us feel so uneasy. We do all sort of things - even make shopping as a therapy to feel happy. We want to keep ourselves busy so we will not have to endure the feeling of not being ok. We try to get what we want to satisfy ourselves not realizing that our effort is just giving us a poor imitation of what we really want.

The goal in this life is not to be ok.

It's alright not to feel ok. I want to go through it now. If I try to fill it with just anything, the feeling of not being ok will worsen - ill find myself more in a ditch.

So let me share what I would like to do now - Let it be - I'm not OK!!! I know that I have problems and my mind and my heart are very vulnerable now. I am utterly helpless and weak. But I come to God, my strong tower and refuge - MY DEFENSE. I will let Him fill me. I am not Ok but my life is in God's hands. I will not try to resist the feeling of not being Ok but I will use it to cry out to God; I will use it so I could depend on God.

In His time and according to His ways, I will be ok.

But for now, "Yes, I am not ok... but all is well with my soul."

Hide and Seek

I used to play this game when I was a kid.

But hiding has become a lifestyle for me. It is a struggle. I hide myself when I get hurt or rejected or when people talk about me - people who just listens to what others say about me without really getting to know the real me. I hide even just to protect myself. I just get tired of trying to explain myself to them. I get tired of trying to please them. I am tired of people who make me feel bad about myself. I am afraid to hear what other people may say about me even if it’s good. I am afraid that these people who say good things about me will be the same people who would say bad things about me. Sometimes, I wish they wouldn’t say anything at all about me – just let me alone!

Well, I am not really a loner. I have close friends who see me and support me. I treasure them. They’re few but I know those would last.

But there are so many I’s above! Friends won’t solve my problem.

Confronted with the idea of hiding, I see that there is so much fear of man within me. When I try to unravel the cause of this, memories of my elementary and highschool days would go back to me.

The small world of school where young people build their dreams and develop their personality – I was not part of the group; I am talked about, being laughed at, avoided, made fun of etc - Words that left wound … I don’t remember the words but the scars are there.

In my world now, I may not experience them as intense as I did during school days but I feel them… and what’s my reaction? Hide … fear man! What are they talking about me? What are they thinking? These are just some of the things that run through my mind.

It may not be that visible to me… but I know deep down I fear man and I hide myself from them. And I get angry because they make me feel insignificant, irrelevant and invaluable. I try to show myself that I exist and that I’m no longer the same person I used to be when I was in school.

I don’t want to continue like this. This is very enslaving!

I’ve known this problem even before. I guess college. It was not something that could heal overnight. I recognize that little by little, I am changing. I know that I am not hiding as much as I did before. I know I am growing and learning a lot… Praise God because he is continually working at me. He who began a good work in me is indeed faithful.

There were things that triggered this problem just lately. And since I am thousand of miles away from my friends, I have nowhere to go to but to kneel before my Lord which is actually the best place.

Reading ‘When People are Big and God is small’ (by Edward T. Welch), I recognize this fear of man and I want to scrape this fear of man from my heart. I don’t want to please men like my goal is their satisfaction. I want to be a people-lover. I want to love them not because of what they did or what they didn’t do. I want to love them whatever they’ve said about me. I want to get over my past and do not let it embitter my present. I want to minister Christ’s love to them. I want to be free… just as I am called free to be Christ’s servant.

This is difficult! I know it will not be perfect. It will not be smooth. But God has overcome and Christ who is in me will make it possible.

Time and time again, I may find myself hiding but God will be faithfully seeking me and bringing me out to light – His light!

Praise be to God and all glory to Him.

BEAUTY

Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

My prayer is to be this kind of woman - a woman who fears the Lord; a woman whose priorities are the deep things of God; a woman whose First Love is God. This is difficult especially in the kind of world we have now in which beauty is more likely link only to physical attributes. I am tempted of 2 things. First, to spend much for the externals and second, to think low of self for not being able to meet the beauty standards of this world. There is nothing wrong with physical beauty (it's a gift) but to only be concern of that is wrong - Physical beauty fades! There is much more worthy investment than that.


I Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

When you are not loving...

Have you ever felt that you were giving so much of your heart to someone...that you felt like you wanted that person to also commit to you the same way you are committing to him/her?

The first part should not really be a problem because when you love someone (even if he/she is only a friend) should be unconditional and sincere. As Christians, we should love as Christ loves. The second part is the problem when you are now beginning to expect something in return of that love that you are so lavishly giving.

Things then start to change between you and the person. You now sense that you need to hold back things from the person... to limit yourself from giving because you feel unappreciated and not valued... you are hurt.

Unfair! Or is it?

Where are you getting that love? If we are getting that love ONLY from within us, it will soon dry up and will have nothing to produce. And instead of giving, we are taking from people we love...

If your problem is the second part, then you are the problem...

We may want to stop for a while and examine the center of our loving. We must redirect our hearts to Christ who loves us unconditionally and confess how incapable we are of loving the same way He did. We must ask for His help to teach us to love unconditionally. Only through that can we be satisfied in loving and reaching out to others. We will do it even for a greater cause - which is for the glory of God. That Christ will be magnified in our loving others.

Unbelief

Many people cannot believe the Bible because they don't understand it. They say that it is just man-made. These people who rejects the Bible are the ones who have not yet read even a single book of the Bible.

Consequently, they do not believe the God of the Bible. They only believe God based on their understanding - based on what they can accept of a God. They don't believe the God who the Bible discussed because they cannot comprehend it. For them it seems not logical...

However, not believing God as the Bible teaches is halfhearted! God does not settle for a halfhearted devotion. God demands a total commitment - a full devotion!

Not to believe even in just one character of God is already unbelief and thus, it is sin.

How would you feel if your friend believes only of certain things about you and adore you for these qualities but disregard your other qualities because he just couldn't see it - he just couldn't comprehend it and so he just dismissed it? How would you feel when you are not accepted as you really are - your 100% you when you made yourself known to your friend?

Don't you think it is an offense to you?

It is offensive to God because He is God Almighty who is the Creator of the universe- your Creator. He made Himself known to us.

First, He made Himself known to us through His creation - Romans 1:20 says "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. "

Second, He made Himself known to us through His word - the Bible. From cover to cover, it speaks about only of God - of His plan and purposes - of His glory.

Third, He made Himself known to us through Jesus Christ - His only begotten Son, our only Savior. God came, drew nearer to us and provided salvation by the death of His Son ...

How can we not believe in the God of the Bible?

We have the time now to repent of our unbelief and receive the truth that the Bible speaks about God and give God our full love and total commitment. We have the time but not all the time... we only have 'now' to do that.

A time is coming when we will see God in all His glory... and yes, all will believe then - all will bow down before Him and confess that He is Lord but you might be doing that NOT in heaven.

In times like this... I need....

There are times when I'd say these lines -



"My work is not fulfilling..."



"I only do this because it is being asked of me."



"I want to do other things."



If I be honest about this, these lines are made out of a self-centered heart. Notice that these senti lines are rooted from a desire to do other things just because I want it or just because I feel like I am not satisfied with what I am getting. This doesn't emerge from a heart that longs to glorify God.



Well, living in this world would really cause me to feel this way because the world has so many things to offer that is pleasing to the eyes. When this happens, I know I've lost sight of God and I am living this life not anymore by faith but by sight. I have to renew my heart regarding this pilgrimage towards the celestial city and to be content with where I am knowing that God is always faithful and will not lack anything good from me. As my Father, He always gives me what I need and for my best.



When I begin to desire for something I don't have, loneliness is created and a sense of discontentment fills my heart. I feel empty. From the world's point of view, I am encouraged to do what I want and what feels good. In a sense, I've tried this but after doing what I want... the sense of emptiness comes back. So, I would do more... but the sense of emptiness still comes back. Nothing can truly satisfy. Parang I am just trying to escape my situation.



The Bible teaches me a different way to have my heart satisfied - to run to God and let Him fill me. Surely, it works! Jesus knows me more than anyone or more than I know myself. He created me for His glory. He gives me peace that passes all understanding and allow me to experience His unconditional love.



Only Jesus can quiet my heart. Only Jesus is worth living for!

Better

I feel better now. Thank God.



I just want to share some reflection I had last week - From FAITHWALK, vol.3 no. 4 (copyright 2004. Published by Communion of Christian Ministries), page 7, The Picture of a Godly Man and I quote,



“ A godly man grieves that he can be no more holy.”



I found parallelism between sinning and getting sick.



One of the things I hate about getting sick is that you feel ugly and lousy. I want to be the best but I couldn’t (ubo-ubo; singa-singa). I am limited by my sickness. I can only work as long as my head doesn’t ache or I don’t cough. In this sense, I hate sickness. The same feeling should be created with the presence of sin in my life (because we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God). I should hate sin. Sin separates me from my communion with God. Sin limits me from becoming my best for God’s glory.

Still sick

It seems like my world stopped! I can't do my scheduled tasks. I can't perform well. Waaaah!!! I miss my life, my healthy life .... ooopppssss ... did I say that? That reveals my heart - I miss my life...



In one sense, there is something wrong with that 'heart'.



I miss my life but do I miss God during the time that I am not sick and so glorify Him in the things I do? Sometimes, I can get so busy performing my tasks even doing things for God but being busy for God is different from being busy with God. The first may mean that I am just busy doing things that are godly - church activities or even spiritual disciplines like prayer and quiet time half-heartedly. The second means I am busy with the person - with God and I am actually doing the first not with my own strength but with God's strength and wisdom.



Or, I may be wanting to get healed because I don't like the discomfort this sickness is bringing me. (What a motive for askin' - Remember Jesus suffered!) I cannot hide the fact that my sickness irritates me...but I can pray and ask God to heal me according to His will and I can remember what Jesus had to go through...it cannot be compared with my ubo, sipon and lagnat.



In fact, even when I am sick, I can live life. I can still glorify God by how I react to my situation and with the people around me.



Psalm 63:3 - God's love is better than life!!! That is why, in sickness or in health, all is well as long as I am in right relationship with God and I am experiencing His love.

Sick, sick, sick

Some things I realize...(or I am reminded of)

• It reminds me that I am not a superwoman like those I see in the movie.
• It humbles me that I cannot do everything and I need help and should not be afraid to ask for it.
• It rebukes me with the abuse I do with the resources I have.
• It disciplines me with how I should go about each day as a good steward of the body God has given me.