"How are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm Ok?" Am I?
Most of the time, I answer that way just because it is the easiest way to respond ... so that there'd be no more follow up questions; Or, maybe, it is the default answer.
To answer the other way would cause the person asking me to feel bad for me or to even try his/her best to help me because I'm not ok. Well, it is the norm.
When we are not ok, we usually do our best to try to eradicate the feeling of not being ok. We don't want the state of discomfort or inconvenience. It makes us feel so uneasy. We do all sort of things - even make shopping as a therapy to feel happy. We want to keep ourselves busy so we will not have to endure the feeling of not being ok. We try to get what we want to satisfy ourselves not realizing that our effort is just giving us a poor imitation of what we really want.
The goal in this life is not to be ok.
It's alright not to feel ok. I want to go through it now. If I try to fill it with just anything, the feeling of not being ok will worsen - ill find myself more in a ditch.
So let me share what I would like to do now - Let it be - I'm not OK!!! I know that I have problems and my mind and my heart are very vulnerable now. I am utterly helpless and weak. But I come to God, my strong tower and refuge - MY DEFENSE. I will let Him fill me. I am not Ok but my life is in God's hands. I will not try to resist the feeling of not being Ok but I will use it to cry out to God; I will use it so I could depend on God.
In His time and according to His ways, I will be ok.
But for now, "Yes, I am not ok... but all is well with my soul."
