FINE CHINA IS FOR SINGLE WOMEN, TOO

By Lydia Brownback


I remember when I was still in college, my CCC discipler told me that when I get her age, which was late 20s to early 30s, longing for marriage would really be intense. Really? I couldn't understand it before... until now.

The world that I am living in right now views singleness for women as a lonely life and generally, a very undesirable way to go on with life. Movies, television programs, advertisements and billboards deceive me into thinking that marriage is what will complete me and that I should do every thing I can to prevent the misery of being single forever.

I thank God for allowing me to read this book. It has caused me to value my singleness as the gift that it really is. “Our contentment is of far greater importance to God than our marital status.” (page 5)

The greatest truth behind the giftedness of singleness is the sovereignty of God. There is nothing I can do to change my present status. None of my physical feature or circumstance can keep me single or get me married. “When it's God's timing for marriage, nothing or no one will stand in the way.” (page 12)

What I need is to learn now is contentment ... and true contentment and joy are found exactly where God has placed us at any given time. God will sovereignly direct my steps and place me wherever he wants, and my business is to faithfully obey God... to joyfully obey God and not let depression snatch this joy just because I am single.

Most single women view marriage as the real life. Settling to marriage is equated to getting serious. But marriage life is not a fairy tale. “The process of moving from singleness to marriage is trading in one set of problems for another.” (p. 39) In fact, just looking my life now, I don't think I'm ready for marriage and I don't think there will be a man who will be ready for a wife like me. It's just that singles have the tendency to have an idealized view of marriage. I have to change that.

Honestly, I am also made to realize that contentment is what I need to cultivate because I may not marry... It may not be God's portion for me. Joshua 15-19 teaches us that His priority was not equal portions of land for each tribe...

While reading this book and another single book entitled “Single Issue” , I was made to realize that I may be submitting to God's sovereignty but not joyfully submitting to it. I am sinning because of this, and thus, struggling with depression.

To fight for contentment is also fighting for joy! Discontentment destroys our delight in life and makes us do wrong decisions where time and money are wasted. We will be tempted to jump at anything that might offer a way of escape - idolatry. Remember that there is no safer place than to be in the center of God's will. Apart from God's will, we will live barren lives.

Lydia perfectly quoted Elyse and I also quote, “The truth about the choices we make is plain. We don't consistently choose the Lord because we don't really desire him... and we don't desire him because we're not convinced that that choosing him will result in our happiness.” (page 23) Now, I choose God... I choose what God wants for me even if it means I need to struggle every moment to bring myself in this position of joyfully submitting to God. As single, I am tempted to pray the prayer of most single women - to remove my desire but God is not crushing the desire. He wants us to cling to Him in the midst of it. My cell servant exhorts us to pray and ask God if we are for single or marriage but as for me, it is always uncertain... certainty prevents me from clinging to Him.

My present state is God's will for me to make me more and more beautiful. This is my sanctification. True beauty is aligned with holiness. “... the more holy we become, the more we will desire what God desires fro us.” (page 63). One of the main character I need to deal with is my selfishness. According to the author, this is inherent to every single person. This is very much address in marriage but as a single, this is address as we involve ourselves in the lives of those whom God has placed around us.

I must be thankful by being willing to accept the life he has called me to live right now. This is an act of humility and is glorifying God.

Also, as a single, I must make the most of this life that God has given me. I pray that God would allow me to serve Him in ways that won't be possible if I were married. “Make use of your unique gifts and talents where they best fit within the body of believers in which God has placed you, even it it appears that doing so will limit your options to meet a man.” (page 81)

“Singleness is not an accident... not a misfortune... It is a divine calling.” (page 90) This is a blessed opportunity to experience God as my Father, my Friend and my Husband. I pray to be a single to His glory, cultivating an undivided devotion to Him and living each day joyfully under His grace knowing that He is sovereign over all things.