The Hidden Smile of God by John Piper

The book is about the lives of 3 great men of God: John Bunyan, William Cowper and David Brainerd. The major theme in their lives is suffering and their faith in Christ and their passion to live for Christ in the midst of these sufferings. I will be sharing the things I learned from their lives but I will not include their biography here. I suggest that one reads the book or biography of each of these men.


To live upon God that is invisible


To a Christian, suffering is normal and useful element in the life and ministry. To associate this with what I learned from “Idols of the Heart” by Elyse Fitzpatrick, suffering keeps us from building our kingdom on earth. In my case, a kingdom is a life of comfort, free from pain and heartaches, free from urgency and from lack of anything. Suffering humbles us and keeps us from being conceited. Like Jesus, my Master, I will suffer in this life. I praise God for the heartaches I have because it brings me to my knees! This is really the purpose of suffering – that we may be drawn to God and to continue to glorify God by depending and trusting in Him. We may lose everything but not God and we will hold on to Him. “For nothing glorifies God more than maintaining stability and joy when we lose everything but God.” (page 46).

John Bunyan was imprisoned… and I am far from that (well, I don't know in the future) He was not the only one that suffered but even his wife and children and yet, he continued in preaching the word of God. Truly, his love for the Lord who is invisible is much greater than any of his close human relations. Human relations is always a struggle. I have the tendency to idolize an existing relationship - be it a relative or friend. But here, I learned that none should be greater than our love and passion for the Lord.

He died without the comfort of his family and home. But he died holding on to his faith to God who is invisible.


To be faithful despite consistent despair/depression


To a Christian, his life need not be full of events but faithfulness to God in our routines. No matter what we are going through or how we feel, we are called to faithful obedience to God. William Cowper’s life is not very much eventful but with consistent struggle regarding his illness. No matter how many times he may have fallen, he comes back with his soul singing new songs to the Lord. Yes, he didn’t demand for reasons of his situation. “There is mystery in my destruction, and in time, it shall be explained.” (page 99) God does not owe us any reason/account of what happens.


To march towards heaven’s gate


“Oh that I might not loiter on my heavenly journey.” – David Brainerd


“God meant to drive him into the wilderness that he might suffer for his sake and have an incalculable influence on the history of missions.” (forgot to note the page)


David’s life – teaches me that God “can use and does use weak, sick, discouraged, beatdown, lonely, struggling saints” who depend on God and trust him that only through Him, can people like David do amazing things for His glory. Oh the great fruit for afflictions!!!


His life was short! But it isn’t in the length of years lived but how this life was lived for the Lord! “Life is to precious to squander on trivial things.” (forgot to note the page)


These godly men pressed on despite great trials and afflictions. Praise be to God for the footprints they left for me to follow.


Jesus Christ suffered so great … it is but right that I, too, suffer. John 15:20, “No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also…”


God could withhold rest from our soul, so that through restlessness, I may be tossed to His breast. There must be contentment and sweet resignation to God.


I may not be ready to suffer like them but God will provide me grace in time so that I would exactly do what God wants me to do. Until then, may I be found faithful to God for the little sufferings I go through… and to see these things as God-given opportunities to resemble the attitude of these great men of faith to God’s glory alone! What a great assurance that despite all the afflictions, God will bring me home safely. Amen.

Birthday-Dispida for Jaja

Jaja's celebration of her 18th birthday but take note...she is just 17th. This is because she is moving to Georgia, US for good.

"We will miss you Jaja! May you continue to be faithful to the Lord."

Wounds of the Heart

Have you ever committed a sin and still reaping the consequences of it?

Don't get me wrong! God forgives us because He is faithful and just to cleanse us as we confess our sins and repent from it. But consequences of it could be very damaging in one's spiritual walk.

Yes... I have lots of those but there's one that is very real to me now. I regret the sin and the memories that comes along with it. If I could do something to change it.. If I could rewind it, I would have been guarded and applied the lessons I learned from my love guru - oh the matters of the heart!

I remember my discipler back in College when she said that the reason I wasn't into a relationship yet that time was because I am the type of person that easily falls - and God was preserving me.

God is good because He has not let me fall in this area many times and the situation I had wasn't very deep - God has still preserved me despite my unfaithfulness back in 2001.

I guess this will be forever wound of my heart. Even if the wound is there, I pray that may it be used to break my heart before the Lord and cause me to be humbled... Trusting that all is well with my soul and God is good (Romans 8:28).

I praise God because He knows what I am going through right now and He is embracing me, teaching me to fix my eyes on Him, the author and finisher of my faith...yes, even this wounds are His good, pleasing and perfect will to sanctify me which is of eternal value.

Greetings!!!

Weddings of the Year

I am privileged to have been invited to witness the wedding of my 2 sisters in the Lord.


Last October was my cell servant's wedding. I am happy to be back in time for it!

I remember that in the cell, I've always heard Ate Yvette say that her longing is a single life. It was radical for me because I've always known women whose longing is for marriage and here is a woman who wants to be single forever. But she confessed that her calling is to marriage. She has to obey the Lord. God has changed her heart. As she confessed now, she is so happy to be married!

I guess that must always be the attitude - where God leads us, we must obey! He knows what's best and He is worthy of our trust!

At one point in my life, I began praying to have the same heart as that of my cell servant - To desire a single life is to desire a focused Christian life. I will not have to concern myself with taking care of my family and home. I can also manage my time and resources without asking permission from my husband or without considering the schedule at home with the kids. I can be in a ministry wherever and whenever but to a married woman, she has homemaking and submission to her husband as her major ministry which she must do joyfully as serving to the Lord.

One of my favorite song says,

Not what I wish to be
Nor where I wish to go
For who am I that I should choose my way...
The Lord shall choose for me.

And then last November - another sister in the cell got married.

With all these weddings, what will it make me feel or consider? That I should also get married? Haha - No .. no ... no.

I honestly don't know what the Lord's will is. My cell servant told us that we should pray about it - to inquire of the Lord about it. I did but God doesn't answer. Maybe, it is not yet time for me to know. My concern though should be to cultivate my heart before the Lord - to cultivate the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (I Peter 3:4). With this goal, I have a lot of working to do, all by the grace of God.

Home Sweet Home

It is nice to be back home. After almost 3 months, I can say that I am now home and indeed, “there is no place like home.”

Three months? Yep! Because I had adjustments to make as I live my life back here. Since I have no car, I need to make my way to the office by commuting – taxi, crowded MRT, traffic, pollution and busy streets. These are just the physical aspect of the adjustments I have to make. How about emotional? And this concerns personal struggles, issues and concerns in family, work relationships, church and friends. It is difficult and ... hurting (can't get into details)... but sanctifying and heart-changer as I learn to trust and depend on God. God meant all things for good!

Let me share with you some of the first things I did -

Fellowship with YAYA - a group of Christian women in our church who are or were once ATEs (older sisters) in the youth fellowship. This is just how we call ourselves - a name.



This is how Niss showed me that she missed me - By squeezing me so hard!!!


Second, I went back to our Youth fellowship. I thought God maybe bringing me into a new ministry but God showed me that I am staying in the youth fellowship and with the young people – which makes me feel younger – Haha!






Then, I went back to my usual routine of going to church every Tuesday for cell, Friday (1st and 3rd of the month) for youth workers' meeting, Saturday for the youth fellow and Sunday for the worship service. I had the chance to share with them some of the stories, gimmicks and learnings I had in OH.



My life here is jam-packed with church activities and get-together with family and friends – pretty busy life ha? Hehe! But I think – these are the things that make home sweet home. It is nice to be back home!

Goodbye Ohio

Being in a far away place for 6 months is a great blessing from the Lord. It was a time for me to know how deceitful my heart is and how incapable I am of keeping myself in the narrow path – that it was God who has preserved and protected me all throughout this time.

Church was a major factor for me to accept the offer of going to Ohio. Although my first church was not a good church, God was so faithful to give me discernment and brought me to His church there. Truly, if it is His will, He will be faithful to provide. God has not left me as an orphan there... It's just that God has a perfect timing for everything.


My first month of not being at Grace Church was a time for me to realize how much I should value biblical preaching and how much I need fellowship of the brethren. The biblical preaching of the word of God brought me the sense of being at home. Also, there is true spiritual unity for the people of God despite the cultural and racial difference. I can't wait to be in heaven!




I praise God for Grace Church! Although it was a long drive for me every Sunday, I thank God for bringing me there. I believe this is one confirmation from God that I belong to Him. I praise God for the discernment and hunger for His Word and His family.




Since church is a long drive for me, church wasn't always within reach when I was having struggles and knowing that I was new to them, it would not be so easy to share personal issues. But I thank God because of His fulfillment of Hebrews 13:5. I praise God for His very presence in my life. I had no family, relatives or Christian friends to run to when I was feeling so sad and alone. Calling or texting wasn't so easy financially and logistically because of the time difference. I learned to run to God. I've never had a deeper experience of how it is to be truly helpless before God than when I was in Ohio – to just fall prostrate before God and depend on Him and wait upon Him.

Also, I thank God for opportunities to share my faith to my co-workers and friends at the hotel. May the Lord open their hearts to the truth shared to them that they too, may experience the joy of being in and for the Lord.

Now, I've been home for 2 weeks... Although my stay in Ohio is but 2% of my whole life, it's very significant and so memorable. I thank God for every person I met especially the people in church whom I will see again when the Day of the Lord comes. God has used my stay in Ohio to sanctify me and to encourage me.

I thank God for how this trip caused me to learn and realize so many things. God is so good and so faithful. All glory to God alone!