In times like this... I need....

There are times when I'd say these lines -



"My work is not fulfilling..."



"I only do this because it is being asked of me."



"I want to do other things."



If I be honest about this, these lines are made out of a self-centered heart. Notice that these senti lines are rooted from a desire to do other things just because I want it or just because I feel like I am not satisfied with what I am getting. This doesn't emerge from a heart that longs to glorify God.



Well, living in this world would really cause me to feel this way because the world has so many things to offer that is pleasing to the eyes. When this happens, I know I've lost sight of God and I am living this life not anymore by faith but by sight. I have to renew my heart regarding this pilgrimage towards the celestial city and to be content with where I am knowing that God is always faithful and will not lack anything good from me. As my Father, He always gives me what I need and for my best.



When I begin to desire for something I don't have, loneliness is created and a sense of discontentment fills my heart. I feel empty. From the world's point of view, I am encouraged to do what I want and what feels good. In a sense, I've tried this but after doing what I want... the sense of emptiness comes back. So, I would do more... but the sense of emptiness still comes back. Nothing can truly satisfy. Parang I am just trying to escape my situation.



The Bible teaches me a different way to have my heart satisfied - to run to God and let Him fill me. Surely, it works! Jesus knows me more than anyone or more than I know myself. He created me for His glory. He gives me peace that passes all understanding and allow me to experience His unconditional love.



Only Jesus can quiet my heart. Only Jesus is worth living for!

Better

I feel better now. Thank God.



I just want to share some reflection I had last week - From FAITHWALK, vol.3 no. 4 (copyright 2004. Published by Communion of Christian Ministries), page 7, The Picture of a Godly Man and I quote,



“ A godly man grieves that he can be no more holy.”



I found parallelism between sinning and getting sick.



One of the things I hate about getting sick is that you feel ugly and lousy. I want to be the best but I couldn’t (ubo-ubo; singa-singa). I am limited by my sickness. I can only work as long as my head doesn’t ache or I don’t cough. In this sense, I hate sickness. The same feeling should be created with the presence of sin in my life (because we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God). I should hate sin. Sin separates me from my communion with God. Sin limits me from becoming my best for God’s glory.

Still sick

It seems like my world stopped! I can't do my scheduled tasks. I can't perform well. Waaaah!!! I miss my life, my healthy life .... ooopppssss ... did I say that? That reveals my heart - I miss my life...



In one sense, there is something wrong with that 'heart'.



I miss my life but do I miss God during the time that I am not sick and so glorify Him in the things I do? Sometimes, I can get so busy performing my tasks even doing things for God but being busy for God is different from being busy with God. The first may mean that I am just busy doing things that are godly - church activities or even spiritual disciplines like prayer and quiet time half-heartedly. The second means I am busy with the person - with God and I am actually doing the first not with my own strength but with God's strength and wisdom.



Or, I may be wanting to get healed because I don't like the discomfort this sickness is bringing me. (What a motive for askin' - Remember Jesus suffered!) I cannot hide the fact that my sickness irritates me...but I can pray and ask God to heal me according to His will and I can remember what Jesus had to go through...it cannot be compared with my ubo, sipon and lagnat.



In fact, even when I am sick, I can live life. I can still glorify God by how I react to my situation and with the people around me.



Psalm 63:3 - God's love is better than life!!! That is why, in sickness or in health, all is well as long as I am in right relationship with God and I am experiencing His love.

Sick, sick, sick

Some things I realize...(or I am reminded of)

• It reminds me that I am not a superwoman like those I see in the movie.
• It humbles me that I cannot do everything and I need help and should not be afraid to ask for it.
• It rebukes me with the abuse I do with the resources I have.
• It disciplines me with how I should go about each day as a good steward of the body God has given me.

UNNOTICED

Within the heart of every human being is the desire to be noticed. We try to do our best and excel for the reward of being acknowledged. We want to feel loved and needed. Whether it is career or romance, it is part of our human nature to want to belong and be appreciated. That is why we work so hard! We perform!



If despite all the things we did, we remain unnoticed and unappreciated; we become bitter toward that person whom we are trying to impress. This is very sad. And the worst part is … we feel bad about ourselves. We think we failed.



The bible teaches the opposite – we are commanded to do things in secret. If we are to give to the needy or to pray, we must do these things in secret and our Father who is in heaven sees these things and will reward us. We are commanded to please not men but God. We can please God as we do things by His strength and for His glory alone.



Jesus Christ Himself was applauded and loved by the people when he performed miracles but He did not entrust Himself to men for He knew what was in men (John 2:23-25) .



I guess it is better to do things for our God who is the Almighty Creator for He alone sees everything. Nothing can escape His eyes – no matter how small the things we do, it is noticed by HIM. Everything is fair in Christ for He is righteous in His judgments. So, we should do our best for the Lord for He alone is worthy. As we do so, we are reaping an eternal treasure where moth and rust cannot destroy. Nothing in this world can compare to that!!!



I wished I've known this earlier in my life....but who cares? At least, I know it now and as my favorite line from the movie Princess Diary I says “...because you saw me when I was invisible” … Yes God saw me when I was invisible to the rest of the world. And I strive to live my life now performing to the audience of One - by faith and by His grace!!!