Greetings!!!

Weddings of the Year

I am privileged to have been invited to witness the wedding of my 2 sisters in the Lord.


Last October was my cell servant's wedding. I am happy to be back in time for it!

I remember that in the cell, I've always heard Ate Yvette say that her longing is a single life. It was radical for me because I've always known women whose longing is for marriage and here is a woman who wants to be single forever. But she confessed that her calling is to marriage. She has to obey the Lord. God has changed her heart. As she confessed now, she is so happy to be married!

I guess that must always be the attitude - where God leads us, we must obey! He knows what's best and He is worthy of our trust!

At one point in my life, I began praying to have the same heart as that of my cell servant - To desire a single life is to desire a focused Christian life. I will not have to concern myself with taking care of my family and home. I can also manage my time and resources without asking permission from my husband or without considering the schedule at home with the kids. I can be in a ministry wherever and whenever but to a married woman, she has homemaking and submission to her husband as her major ministry which she must do joyfully as serving to the Lord.

One of my favorite song says,

Not what I wish to be
Nor where I wish to go
For who am I that I should choose my way...
The Lord shall choose for me.

And then last November - another sister in the cell got married.

With all these weddings, what will it make me feel or consider? That I should also get married? Haha - No .. no ... no.

I honestly don't know what the Lord's will is. My cell servant told us that we should pray about it - to inquire of the Lord about it. I did but God doesn't answer. Maybe, it is not yet time for me to know. My concern though should be to cultivate my heart before the Lord - to cultivate the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (I Peter 3:4). With this goal, I have a lot of working to do, all by the grace of God.

Home Sweet Home

It is nice to be back home. After almost 3 months, I can say that I am now home and indeed, “there is no place like home.”

Three months? Yep! Because I had adjustments to make as I live my life back here. Since I have no car, I need to make my way to the office by commuting – taxi, crowded MRT, traffic, pollution and busy streets. These are just the physical aspect of the adjustments I have to make. How about emotional? And this concerns personal struggles, issues and concerns in family, work relationships, church and friends. It is difficult and ... hurting (can't get into details)... but sanctifying and heart-changer as I learn to trust and depend on God. God meant all things for good!

Let me share with you some of the first things I did -

Fellowship with YAYA - a group of Christian women in our church who are or were once ATEs (older sisters) in the youth fellowship. This is just how we call ourselves - a name.



This is how Niss showed me that she missed me - By squeezing me so hard!!!


Second, I went back to our Youth fellowship. I thought God maybe bringing me into a new ministry but God showed me that I am staying in the youth fellowship and with the young people – which makes me feel younger – Haha!






Then, I went back to my usual routine of going to church every Tuesday for cell, Friday (1st and 3rd of the month) for youth workers' meeting, Saturday for the youth fellow and Sunday for the worship service. I had the chance to share with them some of the stories, gimmicks and learnings I had in OH.



My life here is jam-packed with church activities and get-together with family and friends – pretty busy life ha? Hehe! But I think – these are the things that make home sweet home. It is nice to be back home!

Goodbye Ohio

Being in a far away place for 6 months is a great blessing from the Lord. It was a time for me to know how deceitful my heart is and how incapable I am of keeping myself in the narrow path – that it was God who has preserved and protected me all throughout this time.

Church was a major factor for me to accept the offer of going to Ohio. Although my first church was not a good church, God was so faithful to give me discernment and brought me to His church there. Truly, if it is His will, He will be faithful to provide. God has not left me as an orphan there... It's just that God has a perfect timing for everything.


My first month of not being at Grace Church was a time for me to realize how much I should value biblical preaching and how much I need fellowship of the brethren. The biblical preaching of the word of God brought me the sense of being at home. Also, there is true spiritual unity for the people of God despite the cultural and racial difference. I can't wait to be in heaven!




I praise God for Grace Church! Although it was a long drive for me every Sunday, I thank God for bringing me there. I believe this is one confirmation from God that I belong to Him. I praise God for the discernment and hunger for His Word and His family.




Since church is a long drive for me, church wasn't always within reach when I was having struggles and knowing that I was new to them, it would not be so easy to share personal issues. But I thank God because of His fulfillment of Hebrews 13:5. I praise God for His very presence in my life. I had no family, relatives or Christian friends to run to when I was feeling so sad and alone. Calling or texting wasn't so easy financially and logistically because of the time difference. I learned to run to God. I've never had a deeper experience of how it is to be truly helpless before God than when I was in Ohio – to just fall prostrate before God and depend on Him and wait upon Him.

Also, I thank God for opportunities to share my faith to my co-workers and friends at the hotel. May the Lord open their hearts to the truth shared to them that they too, may experience the joy of being in and for the Lord.

Now, I've been home for 2 weeks... Although my stay in Ohio is but 2% of my whole life, it's very significant and so memorable. I thank God for every person I met especially the people in church whom I will see again when the Day of the Lord comes. God has used my stay in Ohio to sanctify me and to encourage me.

I thank God for how this trip caused me to learn and realize so many things. God is so good and so faithful. All glory to God alone!

I am Ok! ?

"How are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm Ok?" Am I?

Most of the time, I answer that way just because it is the easiest way to respond ... so that there'd be no more follow up questions; Or, maybe, it is the default answer.
To answer the other way would cause the person asking me to feel bad for me or to even try his/her best to help me because I'm not ok. Well, it is the norm.

When we are not ok, we usually do our best to try to eradicate the feeling of not being ok. We don't want the state of discomfort or inconvenience. It makes us feel so uneasy. We do all sort of things - even make shopping as a therapy to feel happy. We want to keep ourselves busy so we will not have to endure the feeling of not being ok. We try to get what we want to satisfy ourselves not realizing that our effort is just giving us a poor imitation of what we really want.

The goal in this life is not to be ok.

It's alright not to feel ok. I want to go through it now. If I try to fill it with just anything, the feeling of not being ok will worsen - ill find myself more in a ditch.

So let me share what I would like to do now - Let it be - I'm not OK!!! I know that I have problems and my mind and my heart are very vulnerable now. I am utterly helpless and weak. But I come to God, my strong tower and refuge - MY DEFENSE. I will let Him fill me. I am not Ok but my life is in God's hands. I will not try to resist the feeling of not being Ok but I will use it to cry out to God; I will use it so I could depend on God.

In His time and according to His ways, I will be ok.

But for now, "Yes, I am not ok... but all is well with my soul."

Hide and Seek

I used to play this game when I was a kid.

But hiding has become a lifestyle for me. It is a struggle. I hide myself when I get hurt or rejected or when people talk about me - people who just listens to what others say about me without really getting to know the real me. I hide even just to protect myself. I just get tired of trying to explain myself to them. I get tired of trying to please them. I am tired of people who make me feel bad about myself. I am afraid to hear what other people may say about me even if it’s good. I am afraid that these people who say good things about me will be the same people who would say bad things about me. Sometimes, I wish they wouldn’t say anything at all about me – just let me alone!

Well, I am not really a loner. I have close friends who see me and support me. I treasure them. They’re few but I know those would last.

But there are so many I’s above! Friends won’t solve my problem.

Confronted with the idea of hiding, I see that there is so much fear of man within me. When I try to unravel the cause of this, memories of my elementary and highschool days would go back to me.

The small world of school where young people build their dreams and develop their personality – I was not part of the group; I am talked about, being laughed at, avoided, made fun of etc - Words that left wound … I don’t remember the words but the scars are there.

In my world now, I may not experience them as intense as I did during school days but I feel them… and what’s my reaction? Hide … fear man! What are they talking about me? What are they thinking? These are just some of the things that run through my mind.

It may not be that visible to me… but I know deep down I fear man and I hide myself from them. And I get angry because they make me feel insignificant, irrelevant and invaluable. I try to show myself that I exist and that I’m no longer the same person I used to be when I was in school.

I don’t want to continue like this. This is very enslaving!

I’ve known this problem even before. I guess college. It was not something that could heal overnight. I recognize that little by little, I am changing. I know that I am not hiding as much as I did before. I know I am growing and learning a lot… Praise God because he is continually working at me. He who began a good work in me is indeed faithful.

There were things that triggered this problem just lately. And since I am thousand of miles away from my friends, I have nowhere to go to but to kneel before my Lord which is actually the best place.

Reading ‘When People are Big and God is small’ (by Edward T. Welch), I recognize this fear of man and I want to scrape this fear of man from my heart. I don’t want to please men like my goal is their satisfaction. I want to be a people-lover. I want to love them not because of what they did or what they didn’t do. I want to love them whatever they’ve said about me. I want to get over my past and do not let it embitter my present. I want to minister Christ’s love to them. I want to be free… just as I am called free to be Christ’s servant.

This is difficult! I know it will not be perfect. It will not be smooth. But God has overcome and Christ who is in me will make it possible.

Time and time again, I may find myself hiding but God will be faithfully seeking me and bringing me out to light – His light!

Praise be to God and all glory to Him.